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28 January 2012
I can’t go to Hawaii this year. Instead of wallowing around in self-pity I am blogging about the Top Ten Reason Not To Go To Hawaii.
10) Chickens and Roosters
9) Banana Pancakes
8) Sharks
7) Danger
Hawaii is a dangerous place. Not only do you have to worry about sharks, but also when you are on land there are sings of Danger everywhere. Here is one of the signs of Danger.One of the biggest dangers in Hawaii is the waves in the ocean. When the waves in the Pacific Ocean get too big, the lifeguards put up these red flags. The red flag is another way of saying “Danger!”
Two things happen when the red flags go up.
1) All of the tourists scramble out of the water to get away from the dangerous waves.
2) All of the locals come running out of their houses with their surfboards.
Personally I think the red flags are designed to get all of the tourists out of the way so the surfer dudes can surf. Anyway, just remember, if you come to Hawaii for your vacation it can be very dangerous.
6) Hawaii is a very boring place.
There's nothing to do here.
There are no theme parks in Hawaii. All you do is lie in the sun and listen to the waves. If you get bored with the beach you can drive around the island look at the scenery and park your car at a local beach. Then you spread out your towel in the hot sand, lay in the sun and listen to the waves. Again!
There are very few people on the Hawaiian beaches. This just reinforces the boredom. I really miss the throngs of people like they have a Lake Calhoun in the Summer time.
5) Timeshare Presentations
I am scanning the beach in front of our hotel and I see a cabana sitting in a perfect spot on the beach. I walk over to the man next to the little cart who looks like an employee. I ask the man: "Can I sit in the Cabana?"
"They cost $25.00 per day,” He informs me. "But, I can give it to you for free, if you come to our "open house" and participate in a 90 minute presentation."
I think to myself "90 minutes isn't too much to get a cabana for a whole day" I didn't realize what I signed up for. It was a beautiful resort but the "presentation” was intense. If I agreed to buy that day, I would get millions of "free" points. It was hard to say "no". Ninety minutes later I walk out, a proud owner of a new timeshare and a free cabana for the day.
The worst part is now I am stuck coming back to Hawaii every year.
So, if by some misfortune you find your self in Hawaii, do not participate in the timeshare presentation or you might get stuck having to come every year.
"Vanna White" displaying a map of Oahu.
4) The SWAP MEET
Thousands of people descend on the parking lot of Aloaha Stadium every Sunday for the worlds largest garage sale. You have to circle the entire stadium three times to see everything. Some of the stuff is used, but most of it is new stuff at really good prices, like eight T-shirts for $20.00. Miss Debbie was in Heaven.
What's wrong with that you say? We had to buy two extra extra suit cases and pay the baggage fees to get all the good deals home.
3) SAND is a BIG PROBLEM in Hawaii.
Sand is everywhere in Hawaii. You always have to go through the sand to get to the ocean. Sand is really hard to walk in. It gets inside your shoes. It sticks to you feet and then you have to rinse them off. If one of those big waves knocks you down then you find sand in some really unusual places, and that's all I'm going to say about that.
2) The SUN is a big problem in Hawaii.
It makes you hot and sweaty. It is hard to look at the sun, which makes you think the sun is trying to hide something. The worst thing about the sun is how many people get sunburn every year. I know what you are thinking, "sunburn is not that big of a problem", but did you know more people get sunburn every year than get lung cancer? Everybody loves sunsets in Hawaii, not because they are so pretty, but because they sun is going away for 12 hours.
The best part of the day in Hawaii, when the sun sets.
#1) Hawaii is like DRUGS.
You heard me right. Hawaii is like drugs, its addictive. I'm talking about mind-altering drugs. After being here a few days your brain starts thinking weird thoughts.
"I'd like to move to Hawaii."
"How could I make a living over here?"
"I wonder if anyone is looking for a children's pastor on Maui?"
The worst part of coming to Hawaii in February is the thought of leaving and going "cold turkey" in Minnesota. Can you feel my pain? While I was in Hawaii I bumped into some "Hawaii addicts" who also happen to be pastors.
We decided right then and there to plant a new church in Hawaii. We are calling it "Living Word- Oahu" Our primary focus will be ministering to other "Hawaii addicts" we happen to find here. So, Minnesota - we will see you in July.
I can’t go to Hawaii this year, but I am going to be in Los Angeles on March 31 for the TRANSFORM conference. I hope to see you there.
Click here for more info.
