How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex


How do you talk to kids about sex?

No parent looks forward to this conversation, and many Christian parents have their heads in the sand.

They tend to put this conversation until it’s too late, which can be dangerous.

If parents aren’t talking to their kids about sex, then they are getting information from other sources.

The problem is that many parents don’t know how to approach this topic with their children.

What age should you talk to kids about sex?

What should you do and what should you not do when talking with children about sex?

Those questions and many more go through the minds of parents.

Every year I teach a series of classes called “How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex”.

Here are the points that I cover in the Purity for Parents class:

1) Don’t wait until your kids start puberty to talk to them about sex. If you do, they will be too embarrassed to talk to. You need to have this conversation with your children when they are 10 years old. My suggestion is for fathers to go out of town for a weekend with their son. Make a father/son bonding time and at some point have the “sex talk”. Mothers need to do the same thing with their daughters.

2) Talk about how their bodies are going to change during puberty and how they will begin to like girls. Talk about how babies are created and that they need to wait until they are married to have sex.

3) Teach your kids that sex is God’s idea. God created Adam and put him in this amazing garden. Adam wakes up one day and sees a naked woman. Adam’s immediate response is “Wo-man!” (He liked what he saw.) God told Adam. “Be fruitful and multiply.” God is telling Adam to have sex with Eve and to make babies.

4) Teach your kids about boundaries. Establishing healthy boundaries is the best thing you can to do to give your children the ability to make wise choices. The truth is you cannot make you kids not have sex. If they want to have sex they will find a way. Your goal is to influence them that it is in their best interest to wait until marriage. The most basic boundary word is the word “no”. Allow your kids to say “no” sometimes. If you always make your kids say “yes” you will teach them to say “yes’ to everyone.

5) Read the Bible. The Bible has a lot to say about sex. During family devotions read scriptures from time to time that deal with sexual issues. Ask questions and let your kids ask question.

6) Keep the communication lines open! Don’t freak out if your daughter tells you that she likes a boy. You want your kids to talk with you about their feelings.

7) Watch what you let yourself watch. If you are watching sexually explicit movies your kids will do the same thing. Children learn by imitating others, but they imitate their parents more than anyone else. Make no mistake about it. Your kids will do what you do.

8) Your plan needs to change as your kids grow.

Ages 1 – 7 – Protect their innocence. Answer their questions but don’t give them ideas. (Many parents never graduate from this stage.)

Ages 8 – 9 – Read Bible stories that directly deal with sexual issues. Ask you children if they have any questions. Here are some good scriptures to read: Proverbs 6:20 – 35, Proverbs 7:1-27, 2 Samuel 11 – 13

• Ages 10 -11 – Have “the talk” with your kids.

Ages 12 and up – Listen more and talk less. Keep communication lines open.

Be sure to share this blog post with the parents in your ministry.

They’ll be really glad you did!

3 thoughts on “How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

  1. Latricia says:

    Thank you so much for being brave enough to touch this topic and put essential tools in writing. Our bodies belong to Jesus (1 Corinthians 6:19) and if the culture of the Kingdom of God is established and taught to our children, many will be preserved and will enjoy fruitful single lives and fruitful married lives. We are establishing the Kingdom of God-thank you so much. Blessings, Grace and Strength to you in Jesus’ Name!

  2. Jeanette Beland says:

    Mark this is a good starting point yet I find that parents who encourage conversation from toddler age regarding sexuality fare the best in communicating with their children. As a toddler use correct terminology for all body parts. Repeatedly let them know their body is beautiful and creates marvelously. Talk to them about safe and unsafe touches. Give them a choice over what they wear (within reason) over what they wear (as they have growing freedom in making choices it helps foster their choosing modesty on their own). Start talking about how a baby develops by kindergarten expanding as they mature. And…. When kids are in grades 5-8 do the “flour sack baby” experience during the summer to help teach them about parental responsibility.

    I have heard from parents who have incorporated all or some of these that it greatly aides in conversations.

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